one of those days

It's pretty sad how often I think the phrase "It's just one of those days" and then I automatically think about the Monica song. Seriously, it probably happens at least once a week. And I feel like - dang, when I think to myself "It's just one of those days," I should just post a blog with that music video embedded and be done with it. And then I realize that not everyone was a preteen girl in the mid-90's and will know what I'm talking about here. So much of my pop culture references are tied to being a preteen lady in the 90's, and I'm not totally sure how to move beyond that. I'm a child of the 90's and that can't be changed.

So, you know, it's one of those days. (Or one of "dem" days, if I'm being Monically-accurate).

One of those rough adult days that never seems to go away. When I was little, I remember being jealous of my parents because all of the mail was addressed to them, and I never got any mail. I was like, dang, why don't I get any mail? The Mary-Kate and Ashley Fan Club only sends one thing a month. That's 29 other days with not a piece of mail to my name... And now that I'm adult and literally all I get in the mail is junk mail and bills (but also, recently a baby shower invitation - an exciting part of adulthood), I'm like, why did I glamorize this so much? Not exciting. There's nothing fun about being an adult, except freedom, which is both exciting and terrifying. So many things in life no longer seem either good or bad - they're just equally freeing and terrifying.

Because so much of my recent adult life has been so fast and abrupt, I think I expect everything to change quickly. Emotions to fade away quickly. Feelings to go away. Situations to change within months. One thing to lead to another, so quickly. But I guess that's not how it always is.

Tonight I had a good long phone conversation with one of my best friends, and I thought, "Oh, man. If only we could live near each other." It's tough. I want the best of all worlds right next to me - and I want to be fulfilled in every way - but I'm not sure that's possible. And it's hard to live with that. It sucks. Unfortunately, not everything I love can be in the same place, and that's the worst.

So, what's the goal? Make sure those I love know I love them? Text them incessantly? Beg them to move near me? (kidddddddddddddding. kind of.). I don't know.

I have no answers tonight. Only feelings. And thankfulness. Extreme, uninhibited thankfulness, that I have people in my life important and amazing enough to warrant these thoughts. Thank you, Jesus.

And, for good measure, some of my favorite tunes of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMI_GPn0nqA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5FW8Xo8ENo&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1NqAOYDZv0 (the title of this song made me tear up today. not the song. the title. yup. thank you, Jesus)

Blue Nights

Getting really excited for this lady's (should I be calling one of America's greatest living writers "this lady"?) newest book, to be released on November 1. Conveniently, that's 2 days after my birthday, so, yeah... just sayin'... if you're looking for a gift idea...

Anyway, I didn't really get into Joan Didion until reading The Year of Magical Thinking a year or so ago, and I absolutely loved it. The way she writes just makes me want to give up ever thinking about being a good writer, because she is just so damned good at it.

But alas, I'll keep reading and dreaming of the day I can articulate anything as perfectly as she articulates everything.

And I really just wanted to post this picture.

Cheers, Joan. Looking forward to 11/1.